So after weeks of being tired I dragged myself to the dr's.

I'm having a blood test in about 9 hours time which im scared of because me + no food = dizzy weak mess. Add the absense of blood into that and im not going to be able to get far.

He also asked if I had been depressed. I mentioned I had briefly but not too bad like i have been in the past. He was very quick to throw anti dpressants my way. Like all dr's really. Didn't tell me what type,how much they would be,side effects or anything.Git.

So me being the paranoid person i am read up on them. Effexor XL 75 mg.... Apparently an intresting drug. You will be fine on it...Until you try to stop. Then it's apparently the same withdrawl symptons as someone coming off drugs. Shaking,nausea,brain zaps the works. Do I really want to take something like that? Apparently it will help with anxiety too..Will being calm be worth it,if I am calm yet sick?

Not too sure.Going to have my blood test in the morning and make sure it's not something physical thats making me this way. Why take drugs for one thing when you can fix the entire cause at once? If there is nothing wrong with me by monday I'll try them. At least for a few days.

I thought you were supposed to trust dr's....I'm beginning not to.

Sooo.... 2am...bored

Thinking of doing something creative - not sure what but I want to make something. Not really that good at art and if i write a story it will be a depressing piece of shite.
Didnt get alot of sleep last night.Booked the cat in for the vets at 9.30 - went to bed at 6. yeah not my smartest of plans. So woke up...just...and took him in. Then came back home and passed out in bed. I'm so exhausted.
Overtime is horrible to because instead of my lovely 3 day weekend i get 2. And because jon is working we can not go shopping for food or i can not get back into the flat.
Started my kendo by the way. It's good fun. I'm always so nervous before it though. Not sure why.
Havent really done alot recently. My family came over in the end which was...intresting....got pretty homesick after they left too.
Dumdidum. Not really too sure what to do with myself. Guess thats why I'm posting this crap.

So I feel its time for a proper little blog post.

I got married and everything is going fine. Money is tight at the moment because the landlord is fucking us about.Rang us for a gas bill of 1900 euros. That got sorted to actually be 330.So I was thinking phew. He said to pay it to him and he will sort it.
I did and then 2 days later I get a bill from the gas people saying the total bill was 240...But he paid that right? I've been emailing him and he just has not answered.
Getting a little pissed off.
Thing is I'm not even the one meant to be paying it.My room mate is! - We aggreed when we moved in I would sort the electricity and her the gas. She had been paying nothing for 6 months and I'm paying out 100 euros...like um...hello you owe me money!
But anyways...work is going ok.The shift is killing me. I never get to see daylight and on the weekends I dont even want to leave my room.Some of the people I work with are just twats. Typical elitest gamers who think that in real life people will still listen to them.
I' just tired at the moment. Tired of having people complain for other peoples mistakes and then someone will say it's my fault or I'll ask a stupid question and then figure out the answer...I'm trying so hard really I am.
But then again no-one wants to hear all this. And thats the problem.Yet again I'm stuck in my own head. FFS how do people be so fucking happy all the fucking time! I have everything right now,got my husband and my dream job.My family are visiting soon and yet for some unknown reason I'm just not happy. Just erg! I'm angry at myself for having no reason to be like this.Just fucking stupid.
I spent the other night hyper active. My friend was like wtf - it was 1am and the end of the week. Everyone else could barely move and yet im bouncing off the walls. Talking general shit to players and just being wierd. my mind was running 100 miles a minute and it was fucked. Baring in mind the day before I came home crying from work because I was so fed up. Like geez not normal.
And yet if I hint to jon that my mind is not working properly,that I know something just isnt right there he says "no you're fine"...I just dont believe that, I dont think someone can be so depressed one day that they cant even leave their room and yet the next they can be so happy they could take on the world and more.
I dunno.Hypochondriac arnt I....
But anyways....Jon will be home soon. Time to act normal again

I'm all married now - The day went perfectly.Photos were great and the it didnt rain allllll day!!! After a year of planning though it all went so quickly.
It was good to see everyone again and we even got the webcam to work so loads of people were watching online.

Also ive settled into ireland very well. The job is just uber and love going there.
Anyways off to get tattooed now. Might update in the next week or so

Reet so I'm in the loverly land of ireland. I'n enojying it. Wishing i had a decent laptop though.
I'm finally working on gear for my mage. Getting groups though is proving to be silly though and my guild are always offline or not geared for anything decent so im a bit stumpted really. Might go guild hunting. I'll ask askula if i can join theres. Shes geared like a brick shit house.
As for my job. It's fun. Like ive spent all week watching presentations which of course was a yawn but next week i finally get to start doing stuff. So yay.
My wedding is nearing and ive left it all in jons hands.Hopefully it'll all go okles.
Anyways need a fag to strech my legs.